by Roxane Hudon
Close your eyes and imagine guilt-free fun.
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Career Crisis in a Coffeeshop
20 Febby Brad MacDonald
While at your favorite coffeeshop, you realize that, six years into your career as an English grad student, you’re still not sure if you made the right choice. What do you do? You follow these steps… Continue reading
Tales of the 252: Chapter 5-The Portable Dishwasher
8 Janby Roxane Hudon
The 252 is a very important household in Montreal, Québec, Canada on St-Zotique E. Very important people have lived there and one may argue that it has influenced the social construct of the city. This is a real place, feel free to visit, I am no longer there, but my cat is.
They came and went, but the house rule remained that the inhabitants of the 252 must be creative—no matter the medium, even though it is the message. One of these inhabitants, let’s call him M, occupied one of the smaller rooms for about a year. He loved informing visitors and potential future roommates that his was the warmest room. When you spend enough time with a person, you start knowing their lines, you know, their secret stash of guaranteed good conversation material. For a good friend, you’ll still laugh and nod along in encouragement. M.’s secret stash did not include jokes or anything weird or remotely interesting, but revolved around the fact that he lived in a warm room. Continue reading
The Body of a Superhero: An Almost Love Story
3 Julby Roxane Hudon
It’s important to realize that I possess no skills of worth. I can’t play an instrument, I can’t draw, I am fiscally irresponsible and I’m not good at any sport of any kind. I speak two languages, but I can’t master either. In fact, I can barely speak either. I can string words together, but most would argue that I can barely do that either. A man once stated that an article of mine “made a teenager’s text message sound like Shakespeare.” That man was probably right. If I ever do anything above average, I’m too busy wrapping myself in self-loathing to realize anyway.There is only one thing, really, that makes me tap myself on the back and think, ‘wow, that was pretty good, that was a notch above mediocre, how did you do that?’ and that, my friends, is the way my inebriated self always finds her way back home. Continue reading
Dear 1994-95
26 Marby Roxane Hudon
As y’all know I am moving, yes, I may still have the time to write a heart-wrenching goodbye piece, but for now I’d like to share a little gift from the heap of stuff I’ve had to sift through. The weird part is that I’ve moved several times in the past years and it’s incredible the amount of things I’ve found that I somehow deemed worthy to lug from place to place. Continue reading
Living Backwards II: The Peter Pan Chronicles
26 Janby Roxane Hudon
YO LADIEZZZZ, so it’s the third week that women are using my now INFAMOUS (sure, why not) Peter Pan quote to go on some kind of rampage against poor, little Montreal men in the Rant Line section of the Montreal Mirror. I feel like since my quote seems to have instigated this woman-rage, I should respond to these rants, reach out to my MTL LADIEZ and defend my MTL Peter Pans. 514-ONE-LOVE. Continue reading
Top Ten Guidelines You Should Follow In Order Not To Ruin New Year’s Eve For All Your Friends
31 Decby Roxane Hudon, obviously.
As you grow older, you start to realize that New Year’s Eve is always awful, it’s always a shit show, it always sucks. So, you have two possible solutions: stay home and hide under the covers while everyone suffers a horrible night out on the town or, since all your friends seem willing to risk it, go out anyway. Fuck it! Maybe this year, it’ll be fun! 2011 was a silly, silly year, why not end it with a silly, silly night! So here are a set of guidelines that will maybe, just maybe, ensure you have an OKAY to average night out on the town, after which you will wake up in 2012 with no regrets, all your friendships intact, money in the bank and no stranger sleeping next to you. Continue reading
Top Ten Things that May or May Not also Happen to You while You’re Home for the Holidays
25 Dec
1. Your parents will ask you questions you cannot, under any circumstances, answer in any way. “What does your friend’s older brother’s girlfriend do for a living?” “I have no idea.” “Do you have proper virus protection on your computer?” “I don’t know.” “What’s the interest rate on your student loans?” “A percent of something…..” “Do you know if…?” “No I don’t.” At first, you’ll be irrationally annoyed but then you’ll feel bad that you aren’t interested enough in life, responsibilities and people to know any of these things. Continue reading
