by Roxane Hudon
This summer, I visited Toronto for the first time (whatever, soooorry if I was in Paris and visiting castles in Scotland) (that last parenthesis was meant to make me sound like an asshole, this one is filled with human compassion and understanding) and I thought “wow, this is actually nice and cool. I like Toronto,” which as a (sometimes) proud Montrealer, went against everything I’m supposed to stand for. For years, when people would tell me they were from Toronto, I couldn’t control my “boo, you suck” face. But this summer, I enjoyed it. I thought it was great and fun and blah blah bli bloo. HOWEVER, Toronto, last night, when I found out that Fatty McChubbyChub Rob Ford had officially become your new mayor, I laughed, I laughed like a maniac.
I’m sorry, Toronto, we flirted briefly. I know my city looks like a muddy dump of a construction zone right now and it’s probably going down the condo shitter, but at least my mayor can fit through a fucking door. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. HAHAHA
Hey Toronto! Knock knock! (who’s there?) ROB FORD YOUR REALLY FAT NEW MAYOR WHO THINKS BIKES ARE DANGEROUS FOR THE STREETS.
Hey Toronto! Knock knock! (who’s there) DOUBLE DOWN SANDWICHES FOR EVERYBODY!!!!! (EXCEPT THE GAYS)
Where were the supposedly “cool people” of Toronto yesterday? On their way to Montreal? We’ve got a bunch of empty condo buildings being built for you! They’re not as pretty as your banks, but they’ll do for now! Venez-vous en ma gang de tabarnaks!