Power to the People

by Roxane Hudon

With the Republicans takin’ over down South, Rob Ford livin’ it up in Toronto and Sarah Palin tweeting things like: “As always, proud to be American! Thanks, Commonsense Constitutional Conservatives,u didn’t sit down & shut up…u “refudiated” extreme left,” we are stuck in a right-wing madhouse. They are loud and proud and we’re all listening. Everyone is quoting them and talking about them. They say ridiculous things about lynching hobos and sodomizing A-Rabs. Abortion is for Mexican sluts and I can see Jesus in my soup. They don’t care about geography or silly complex things like spelling; they just want to cut your taxes and make sure the White suburban man lives comfortably. They can say whatever they want and it’ll be broadcast around the world, discussed on the Internet, shared on Facebook, parodied on YouTube, made into a clever Halloween costume, rolled into a sandwich and smoked for lunch.

All this is fun and amusing and all, I like mocking red-faced ignorant racists like any other indifferent university-educated young person who likes complaining about the world, but is too hung-over to do important things like..vote. But I was wondering, where are the loud, ridiculous-sounding left-wingers? I want to see a prominent politician grow his hair out to his ass, maybe put some beads in there and hold a press conference announcing his idea to collect all the guns in America and use them to build the largest sculpture in the shape of a peace sign in the world, in the middle of Central Park. I want to see a braless female candidate dishing out Marx quotes and referring to men as “the oppressors”. Wouldn’t it be great if the White House could also be used as a soup kitchen? Hobos could get warm sandwiches every day, straight from the president’s hands. Why isn’t anyone suggesting that we make SUV’s illegal? Sell them to China and send all the profits to fight AIDS in Africa. Flawless plan! What about “Swap-with-a-Mexican” Day? What does that entail? I don’t know, let your imagination run free, Young Child of the Revolution. What happened to “I HAVE A DREAM”? Let’s have more dreams! What about Detroit? Who wants to turn that into a giant playground? Let’s put the taxpayers’ money where it counts! Ghetto To Playground Project 2011. What about the Gays? Gay Parade every day! Because who doesn’t like rainbows? Everything in the world is far too Grey, and at the end of the day, we’re all a little bit gay! That rhymed! Yes, a politician who speaks in poetry, because WHY NOT show a little bit of FEELINGS? What about a crazy left-wing nut using the P-word, yes, PEACE? And he’s a Buddhist! Or something equally colourful and ethnic that refers to exotic-sounding Gods! A politician who doesn’t wear suits, but Corduroy! He also often randomly says things in French or Spanish, because English is the language of IMPERIALISM, the language of the CAPITALIST DOGS that RULE THE WORLD. Come on you hippies, awaken! Infiltrate the system! Because yes, the Republicans are often hilarious, Rob Ford is fat and that’s funny too, but I’m getting kind of bored of the same old racist jokes. We need some spice in our rice! Why is it acceptable to be a mad person on the Right, but not on the Left? The Left-Wing is putting people to sleep! Blahblahblah, Health Care! PFFFFFFFFFT. They’re talking about all Muslims eating bombs for breakfast! You need some Madness! Power to the People! Bed-ins and orgies! Show them where Russia actually is! Dress like a Soviet! Hasta Siempre Commandante! Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni! Paix les amis, politics are getting too PREDICTABLE, let’s turn it into a COMPLETE MADHOUSE on both sides! I’ll be waiting for the REVOLUTION. Or starting my own political party, called Workers and Women in Solidarity with People of All Colours Gay Bikers Mohawk Party. Stay tuned.

In the meantime: