by Brad MacDonald
While at your favorite coffeeshop, you realize that, six years into your career as an English grad student, you’re still not sure if you made the right choice. What do you do? You follow these steps… Continue reading
Tag Archives: Montreal
Ah, Montreal
11 Janby Brad MacDonald
Ah, Montreal.
Where Peter Pans rufio themselves at the age of 43, ride the steed of the Cheval Blanc into the night and wake up next to a disheveled Bonhomme who tearfully complains that he has genitally injured himself on the mechanical bull at Chez Serge so badly that he will be the last of his depleted race (He is both gladdened yet saddened when they explain to him that he “has nothing down there anyway”). Continue reading
Tales of the 252: Chapter 5-The Portable Dishwasher
8 Janby Roxane Hudon
The 252 is a very important household in Montreal, Québec, Canada on St-Zotique E. Very important people have lived there and one may argue that it has influenced the social construct of the city. This is a real place, feel free to visit, I am no longer there, but my cat is.
They came and went, but the house rule remained that the inhabitants of the 252 must be creative—no matter the medium, even though it is the message. One of these inhabitants, let’s call him M, occupied one of the smaller rooms for about a year. He loved informing visitors and potential future roommates that his was the warmest room. When you spend enough time with a person, you start knowing their lines, you know, their secret stash of guaranteed good conversation material. For a good friend, you’ll still laugh and nod along in encouragement. M.’s secret stash did not include jokes or anything weird or remotely interesting, but revolved around the fact that he lived in a warm room. Continue reading
A Psychological Love Horror Story with 58 Bands
28 NovBy Katie Heffring
The following story has 58 band names. Although some names appear many times throughout the story, they are only counted once. Try to find all the band names if you can! (P.S. they are listed at the bottom if you want to cheat)
An Ode to the Montreal Mirror, 1985-2012
25 Junby Roxane Hudon
Dedicated to Alastair Sutherland, Patrick Lejtenyi, Sacha Jackson, Mark Slutsky, Malcolm Fraser, Lorraine Carpenter, Chris Tucker, Brenden Fletcher, Scott Saxon, Shawn Thompson and all the other freelancers I’ve had the privilege to meet and share a beverage or two with along the way. Here’s to fuckin’ YOU guys.
Big sigh, big fucking deep sigh. Continue reading
How To Not Find A Job
28 Mayby Roxane Hudon
Dear World,
I’m a 26-year old failure of a journalist, because, instead of folding in or even trying, I’ve been having fun. I’m sorry, world, this is my biggest flaw: my relentless attraction to a good time, which has somehow lead me to a basement in Glasgow Continue reading
Top Ten Guidelines You Should Follow In Order Not To Ruin New Year’s Eve For All Your Friends
31 Decby Roxane Hudon, obviously.
As you grow older, you start to realize that New Year’s Eve is always awful, it’s always a shit show, it always sucks. So, you have two possible solutions: stay home and hide under the covers while everyone suffers a horrible night out on the town or, since all your friends seem willing to risk it, go out anyway. Fuck it! Maybe this year, it’ll be fun! 2011 was a silly, silly year, why not end it with a silly, silly night! So here are a set of guidelines that will maybe, just maybe, ensure you have an OKAY to average night out on the town, after which you will wake up in 2012 with no regrets, all your friendships intact, money in the bank and no stranger sleeping next to you. Continue reading
Expozine 2011: Recap
29 Novby Roxane Hudon
Hello there! This is just a little note to thank all those who bought a copy of the new Ballz because a) we charmed you into it b) you were attracted to the bright colours c) we know you and you felt obliged d) you want to encourage the future of journalism (duh) e) you didn’t really buy it and we just gave it to you for free, because you’re either Corpusse or Julie Doucet. Continue reading
News of the World
23 Novby Ballz Montreal Team
Don’t worry world; we know we’ve been irregular and absent lately, but we are all working on brand spankin’ new Ballz for Expozine, including the Ballz Montreal Abstract Response to the Revolution. We’ve booked a table for Sunday, Nov. 27 See you there from 12 pm to 6pm at l’Église Saint-Enfant Jésus, between Laurier et Saint-Joseph. Whoooooooooooooooooooo!
ballz.montreal@gmail.com
Living Backwards
8 Julby Roxane Hudon
I’ve spent most of my life thinking that I’m way smarter than most people. This has lead me to make a lot of awful decisions and do a whole lot of really stupid things. But this year, at the ripe age of 25, I’ve realized that I am an idiot. I’m really dumb. Maybe at one point in my life, I was actually as smart as I thought I was, but clearly not today. Continue reading
