Rideau Street, horses and rainbows x 2

by Lina Harper

Being back in Ottawa is not as creepy crawly as i thought it would be. I guess you could say I grew up here. My mom was a french canadian, my dad—a west coaster from Victoria for life. Leaving BC was hard, but Mom and me made it work. I spent my teens years thinking something was wrong with me—what did it all mean? Why was everyone here, or almost, CAUCASIAN? Why did all the dudes wear Senators shirts, the black and red and gold assaulting their protuding Molson Canadian bellies? So I moved the hell out of Dodge. Had to. Spent the better part of the last 10 years getting an education, or at least academia’s version of it. Worked as a tour guide, lesbian divorce mediator, journalist, blogger, editor, retail sales associate, cheese wench, call centre bitch, collections agent, telemarketer, canvasser, teacher, community organizer and PHIOU WHAT THE HELL ELSE I DON’T KNOW I FORGET I”M OLD.
And it worked for a while.
Culture, bleak but busy streets, friends, Pinot Noir, biking, the occasional girlfriend, parades and queer film festivals kept my mind occupied for a good stretch. But I want more.
I’m moving out of Dodge, and going back to Dodge. The city isn’t that PG-13 anymore. I wouldn’t call it edgy but fuck EDGE. I’ve been robbed and punched in the face by men and strangers in Montreal, so I’m GOOD for edge for a while. Maybe forever. And I don’t miss the misery of Montreal poverty, the poor, the lonley, the alcoholics.

Ottawa—the Twat as I am going to attempt to start a trend calling it. It feels like, on the tip of my tongue, like the ideas that used to get me excited when i was 13. When you are 13, you are scared, hurting, sullen.This is true. But you are also imagining what life will be like as a freedom rider.  Like a horse, electrified by sounds and lights and stuff. Imagining the horses as they escape the shackles but ease of the stall. It’s like double rainbow awe, to be scared/excited again. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? And for a second, standing by a tree on Rideau St., the sun shining on my toes, listening to Stars, writing about my happy, I feel like I might have a hunch.