by Roxane Hudon
IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE
Imagine, People, imagine you lived inside Disneyworld. Imagine your address was something, like 1, Magic Kingdom, Disneyworld. Imagine you lived inside the Tower of Terror and you had to take that elevator every day, several times a day. Would you be jaded? Would it still be fun? Imagine you lived on top of Splash Mountain. Would your nemesis be the guy who lives on Space Mountain?
Imagine you thought all the mascots and characters were real; who would be your best friends? Alice or Cinderella? Mickey or Donald? Would there be baddies? Would you refer to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride as “the ghetto”? Would the Gay Village be the “It’s A Small World After All” ride? Would your idea of a vacation be a walk down the street to the Animal Kingdom? Would your idea of the Middle-East be Universal Studios? Would you believe the world’s tyrants to be Terminator and E.T.? Would the Wizarding World of Harry Potter be your idea of a rising super-power like China? Imagine, you’d plot with Pluto and Peter Pan to go invade, or maybe plan a putsch against your own tyrannical leader, Mickey Mouse. Imagine, who would lead you instead?
Maybe you, maybe you would lead. If you did, would you move into Cinderella’s Castle, or choose to be closer to the people, to the citizens of tomorrow, and move to Epcot? Imagine you lived in Disneyworld…maybe you’d be a dissenter. Maybe you’d be tired of the tea cups and the Dumbos and the jolliness and the State motto “Young At Heart”. Imagine they arrested you, what would be the prison? Epcot’s Spaceship Earth? Imagine, you’d be imprisoned in that big sphere, stuck in that boring out-dated Animatronic ride, hearing about the history of mankind for the rest of your life but never being able to be a part of it again. Imagine. Or maybe Mickey would choose a much crueler faith. Imagine he’d lock you up with the “It’s A Small World” dolls and you were stuck singing that song for the rest of your life. Would you reach out to the ride’s visitors? Would you sacrifice their family fun for your meaningless freedom? Imagine you lived in Disneyworld and life was nothing but a dream.
Imagine pregnancy was an App. Imagine you could just beep that baby in with your phone. Imagine you could choose the exact physical and personality traits your baby would have. Eye colour, skin colour, hair colour. How Black would your baby be? What percentage of Brown would you mix in with Rosy Pink? Or maybe it would be Super White, with a slight rosy infusion on its cheeks. Imagine, would you give it one blue eye and one green eye just because you’re trying to be original? Would the baby like that? Imagine you could choose the exact length of the baby’s limbs. Would you make your baby perfectly proportional? Would you make the torso slightly longer than the legs? Imagine you’d choose slightly puffy cheeks, knowing that the baby will grow into a slightly ridiculous-looking adult with puffy cheeks. Would you still do it just for the sake of having a cute baby with puffy cheeks? Would you make your baby blonde? Would everybody? Would everybody have blonde babies? Blonde Asian-Black babies?
Imagine the personality of your baby. Imagine you could select what your baby’s first word would be. Would you choose “Mommy”, because you’re really cliché and narcissistic? Or maybe something really intelligent so you could brag that your baby’s first word was “Preponderous” but then you’d realize that’s not really a word. Imagine, what would be the appropriate first word for your baby if you could choose it. What about personality? Would you give your baby any flaws? Would you choose to bypass those Troublesome Twos and Rebellious Teenage Years? Imagine you chose “Obedient” as a quality in order to ensure your years of parenting are peaceful and easy. Imagine your baby would then grow into an “Obedient” adult. Would you feel guilty about that? Or Happy? Imagine you could choose “Happy” as a quality. Your baby would always be joyful. Would it be appropriate? Imagine the character traits of your baby were mapped out on a big pie chart. Would “Sad” represent a big slice? What about “Patient”? How much “Patient” is too much “Patient”? What if you forgot to check “Smart”? Would you be able to live with yourself? Imagine this was a way of getting rid of the Education System. Imagine you could fill your baby with all the knowledge in the world. What if you left something out? And then forgot to check “Ability to Learn”? Imagine you had to choose flaws for your baby in order to make it human. Would you choose something cool like “Affinity for Danger” or something really mundane like “Chews Nails”? Imagine you could choose who the father was, because we all know sex will be digitalized in the future. Would you choose a handsome celebrity like Brad Pitt or just an Average Joe with a decent job and a “Nice” kind of personality? You’d choose Johnny Depp, wouldn’t you? Or Jay-z, wouldn’t you? Imagine if Pregnancy was an App, Abortion would be one too.
Imagine you could turn your life into a movie. Would it be a feel-good film? Or a heart-wrenching drama? Would it be a hilarious comedy? Would it be foreign? Would it be in a language you don’t even understand but suddenly find yourself speaking? Would Bill Murray be in it? Would there be supernatural beings? Which ones? All of them? Would you have sex with a vampire? Imagine you could turn your life into a movie; it would be Lords of the Rings, the extended trilogy, wouldn’t it?
Imagine you could turn your life into a song. Which song would it be? Would it be really underground? Would it be rock ‘n’ roll? Imagine your life was something really awful, like a rap-metal song from Limp Bizkit and all you did was annoy people. Imagine your life as a song, would it be a classic? Would it be a Bob Dylan song? Or maybe something depressing? Maybe you made everyone cry. Maybe your life would be Afroman’s “Because I Got High”. Imagine your life was a song, it would be Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” wouldn’t it? Nah, it would be Jay-Z’s “99 Problems”. Imagine your life was a song, and you were just a One Hit Wonder.
Imagine yourself as an animal. Would you still have a human mind? Would you be comfortable having sex with other animals knowing that you were once a human? Would you eat raw meat? Or try to cook it? Would you be a vegetarian and eat grass? Imagine yourself as an animal, you’d be a dolphin, wouldn’t you? A sea critter? Or would you prefer the land? Imagine yourself as an animal, are you a lion? Maybe you’re at the bottom of the food chain. Imagine yourself as an animal, maybe you’d just be a measly shrimp.
Imagine this is the end and you can’t imagine anymore.
Imagine this was poetry.