Klatch: Trudeau is a Woman

by Wendy Klatch: Female Columnist

“Don’t get me wrong – unlike most women, I have opinions.”

I know I’m not going to gain any fans by writing what I’m about to, but if that stopped me every week, I’d be walking about with an even bigger brown bag on my head!

Since Curly Sue became our pretty Prime Minister, queers, old women, and immigrants have been freaking out. If that offends you, well I’m sorry you have difficulty handling the truth. ‘Just because you’re a visible minority doesn’t mean you have to be a sensitive saddo!’ is what I always tell my Men’s Issues Awareness Group. The cherub child even got the raging stamp of approval from the ever hard-to-please Canadian feminists! Good job, Justin! That’s a near impossible feat, but I think I’ve figured out the reason for it: Justin looks like a woman! Smooth skin, rosy cheeks and pretty hair…a total she-boy!

Don’t get me wrong, feminists, I’m a feminist too. But I’m not one of these new whiny baby feminists who still live in their parents’ house and pen think pieces every time their favourite TV character gets her tit grabbed (get a grip!).

I’ve been around the block, kiddos. Let’s just say I’ve done my share of LSD and been nicknamed Wank Off Wendy by more than one member of the Guess Who. So, pipe down, will you!

I can’t even mention the words “Ghomeshi,” “feeble-mindedness of women” or “all Muslims are basically dicks” without you getting all riled up and submerging me in hate mail and more hashtag justice, which I don’t read by the way, I simply use it as fuel when roasting my sacrificial lambs. So, bring it on, I say!

Don’t you have better things to do – like invent unfounded rape claims? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of bad sex, but you don’t see me calling Jezebel crying every week. ‘Just because you have a set of boobs doesn’t make you a saint!’ is what I always tell my CanLit book club ( we don’t read it, God no! We just set it on fire).

Anyway, back to Trudeau looking like a woman.

If I have to watch legendary Liberal pant creamer Peter Mansbridge get any more pant-creamy while covering Trudeau, I’ll literally be very angry about it. It’s a bit much, even from the CBC, that Liberal-loving institution of failed Canadian thinkers and rye bread aficionados. I know the kid’s got rainbows shooting out of his ass, but let’s take it with a grain of salt, shall we? So, he does yoga, that’s pretty gay, if you ask me, if you really want to know my opinion about that.

So what if he’s filled his cabinet with half women? I’m a woman (it’s been medically proven) and I don’t need a woman representing me to say and do what I want in this country. In fact, I’ve got an editor who greatly encourages me to write as much nasty vitriol as my shrivelled up leather bag body can possibly produce every week. Something about having to “get those eyeballs.” I don’t know what he’s on about, but I’m in!

Canadian media is dead, Long live Canadian media!

xoxo

Wendy Klatch

Comments? Feedback?

Sure, email them at : notarealemail@idontgiveafuck.com

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  1. Wendy Klatch: STFU QWEBEK – Ballz Montreal

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